if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize