In the future we'll all be gay
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
