hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dating After Heartbreak
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.