i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There r osticjed everywhere
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.