My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.