just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?