my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube