WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
