Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
