We're facebook friends in real life
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
