I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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