I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
