Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
