Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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