So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
