Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
