finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize