I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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