Apparently you make a good broom.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
