dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
