did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we should paint friendship bongs
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