I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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