And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
