I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
