Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
