Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
