Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
