worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
