I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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