oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
