I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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