So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
