Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
