We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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