Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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