You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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