But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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