Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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