She's the barista slut.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You ruined the universe
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
