he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
