i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
