So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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