margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
