maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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