We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
