just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
