yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
