I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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