Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
