u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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