More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
