so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
