'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
