My Higher Power is John Stamos
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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