i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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