i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
