Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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