she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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