i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
