someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
