Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
