if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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