I'm lost and stupid without you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
