he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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