You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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