i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
