my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
