We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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