Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
