Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
