I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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