my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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