i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
