margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
