Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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