I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well you can't waste a boner
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
