3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
