toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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